I Know Why I Scream Her Name

All around me is chaos.
I cannot think, see, or breathe.
I run from the thought of her, yet can't rid myself of her memory.
And when I open my mouth, I speak her name.
Why?


For all her flaws, she embodies my every dream.
Her speech, her manner, her mind. All are as I've always desired, yet something is wrong.

I have spent countless hours and days longing for one such as her, yet she has time and again run from me, never knowing my sorrow.
I know that she doesn't see the way I think of her. I know that she will never fully love me, and that we are not meant for one another.
I am not in love with her; in truth, I do not want her.
Yet I still see her in my waking dreams. Why?

I see her out of my own choice. I chose to want a girl such as her, and so I placed her in my dreams. For as long as I hold tight to the siren's scream, I will forever be entranced, never in possession of my own mind.

She is a perfect Princess, but not mine.
I must let go of she who is not my joy.


Now I exist as a blank slate. Without a pursuit to define me, what am I?

A soldier?
A knight?
A boy?

It's not for me to decide.


I await she who is meant for me.
Have I already met her? It's possible.
Do I dare pursue another? Can my heart withstand a rejection? I'm not sure.
Am I being overdramatic? Probably.